Ice Night

The night finds you listening to awful music
Look at this mess of things, garbage
Every nook
A ghost at the wheel

So then

A fucking word of advice

Don't ride the pitch horse slick
Like a black hole
Of ice, and risk an evening dream

Slow, slow, slow
I can't see anything
But I am not in this moment

Fun to die
For reasons sake
A thought takes you

I am losing control

SLIDE

Where have I been?

Social Ruin

I found myself on the wrong side of fucked it up
my hand thought you wanted me to be slick
hindsight is such a cruel bitch queen

I remember when I fell into your naked arms
with too much to drink and the joy of mistakes
I found myself on the wrong side of fucked it up

There was the time I puked Robitussin alarm-
ing you with my use love of the hallucinogenic 
hindsight is such a cruel bitch queen

You can be sure I won't forget being the the joke
of the day, beaten to a pulp with boots and words
I found myself on the wrong side of fucked it up

It's not so much the shame and regret
as much as it is the absolute shame and regret
hindsight is such a cruel bitch queen

Every night a thousand events of social ruin come to play
what in the holy hell did I think I could or should do?
hindsight is such a cruel bitch queen
I found myself on the wrong side of fucked it up

Ancient Times

Beauty lives with death, but not

For life, she died today, again

Do not live inside your hate

Three days gone before I had known

How to deal a blow to the estranged

Beauty lives with death but not…

Like a summer sun tattooed upon your home

We tried to run with a jar of golden pennies

Do not live inside your hate

Two brothers lived through it alone

But now a door has been closed

Beauty lives with death but not…

In a way that must be known

You will have your hate to have it end

Do not live inside your hate

Can I lift this weight; this stone

Two fathers found purpose in sons, and now?

Beauty lives with death but not

For you to live inside your hate

I was a ROBOT

The arc of pure light is blinding

It was a message all in binary perfection

I didn’t know I was in the machine

Those files they die too, the hard-

drive can be erased by gears and suction

The arc of pure light is blinding

You were buried, fragmented inside

I hated the way you programmed your son

I didn’t know I was from the machine

Three days dead a father told one boy

Not the other good son, not the automaton

The beauty of pure light is blinding

My brother told me my hate had died

The text was so much; it burned my iron skin

I did not know I was a machine

Opened to the light, the memories dance

If she died must my hate die? Will I speak with him?

The arc of pure light is blinding

I am still, with curious hope, part machine

Ambivalent Regret

I

My grandmother died today or
should
I
say
She died three days before I
had known my
sister and brother knew before
and were sure I would not want
to know or would not care: I hated her

or

I thought I hated her

When we were so young the sky
was still magic, we survived a summer
within her angry house
my fathers angry
childhood home become mine
for a while, we
my brother and I, well
It is sort of a blur now, the son
blurs the events

II

I remember too many days of rain
I remember stealing a million pennies and cookies
I remember the morning dew soaking our feet
I remember Anthony crying and looking hard at his savior
I remember wanting to be able to save us
I remember how hard the cars shook our earth
I remember the dead wolf howling, warning us

I remember that no one knew we
were gone, they just knew we has stolen
the pennies, so they tore apart our space, and found
nothing, we tossed the pennies on the side of the road
to save our skin

III

If I told my father what would he say?
if I was speak to him again
after
years of estrangement, would he
listen?

what now then, what
now
then

If my hate for grandmother, has died
has a part of me died?

I think I
must speak with my father
I must speak with my father
Will I speak with my father?

Dogs of the Bone

When I was born a pup to a clan of family dogs
They loved with a harsh hand: True family dogs

My brothers were pit bulls, hating the cage
my sister: no queen, running with the family dogs

I lived everywhere, moving, always running
to a strange land, a land without family dogs

The city loves a stray, wait that is hate I think
so went the days of pretend, longing for family dogs

Drink from the illusion, smoke the good intentions
sleep in the alley, know freedom, forgotten family dogs

Every home needs a dog and every bone needs a friend
I want to go home; smell your hand, live as a family dog

As I ran to my false utopia, so I ran back home
vulgar,imperfect, always kind and fierce family dogs

I will build a castle to call my own, but not be a king
have my pups, settle my mind, live as a family dog

More Grace

This mirrored face and glazed eyes are in prison held
With a heart that sees only the scars of an aged tree
And the muck of regret in battle raged form I can tell
This is what I build for my goodness but I cannot see
There is a man of parts an endless heart who is free
To make the wrong as much as the right move upon sky
And sea. But the reflected fool a wizard might be
If his hands would live with his hopes and not wonder why.
And here look at this safe place, here I can have a word to sell
This wife of the universe has many a heart to give
She saw me with more than pupil, as an equal unknown
She saw clay and a way to be the great David of art, to tell
A story; my tales of my two cities. I was to be shown
How I could love the father me and the part I own